I don’t blame you for being you, but you can’t blame me for hating it: my reasons for not laughing

Right now I’m working on organizing a trip to the Studio Arts Center in South Bend in my dorm after Fall Break (see announcement at the end of this post – and EVERYONE is invited – *ahem* – since someone planted the idea of going to his students’ art exhibits in this student’s head during a certain acceptance speech – but he shouldn’t worry, because I’ll let him know the official day we’re all going).

But in honor of National Coming Out Day this past Thursday, I felt inspired to write a little blurb about something I’ve been struggling with as of late.

Is it okay to laugh at jokes about gay people? I’m torn between whether gay jokes promote stereotypes, or whether they help ease any uncomfortable tension about gay issues. I ate lunch with one of my girlfriends this afternoon, and I was telling her about my new blog. She told me that gay people make her uncomfortable, and that while she’s not “against them,” she isn’t “for them,” either. At first, I wasn’t too sure about why this was such a blow to me, but after I started thinking about it for awhile, I realized why eating with her this afternoon bummed me out so much. In a way, she represented in my mind why it is so difficult to rally for GLTB rights. It’s like fighting this innate quality in all human beings to fear what is different, what we don’t initially understand. When I got back to my room, I turned on the TV and ironically enough, Will and Grace was on the channel that the TV was last on. I watched the show for awhile, and after a half hour of a barrage of gay jokes in which there were multiple references to gay men as being more sensitive and fashion conscious than both men and women combined, I was struck by the hypocrisy of what I hope was the original intent of the show, to promote gay awareness. Is this show the reason why my friends is “not for” gay rights?? Or does it provide a forum for her exposure to gay people? And if the latter is true, what a tragedy that the only exposure she gets to GLTB rights is through this skewed, overtly sexual medium.
I read this really awesome article Thursday about gay rights that made me think of her. The article said that if every gay, lesbian, transgender, or bisexual person turned purple one day, there would be much more support for gay rights in the world because everyone would realize that someone close to them is affected by unfair GLTB legislation.

Which brings me back to my original point. Do gay jokes promote stereotypes, making it okay to poke fun at an entire group of seriously underrepresented people, or do they help people like my friend, an avid fan of Will and Grace I later found out, feel more comfortable around gays? I mentioned in my last post that one of my pet peeves is when one of my friends calls something they don’t agree with, or something they feel is silly or unnecessary “gay,” and I take that same kind of offense when I hear somebody make a gay joke, in addition to a burdensome sense of guilt when I laugh. Taking this issue and looking at it from a different perspective, though, sometimes I think jokes aimed at poking fun at a group of people can become a rallying point for these groups – there is a ridiculous number of Mexican comedians, for example, who poke fun at Hispanic culture who my dad and I are really big fans of. My friend who is gay makes a lot of gay jokes, all of which he justifies by saying, “I can say that because I am gay,” or, “he/she is a disgrace to my people.” I think in these kinds of cases, these jokes become a sort of defense mechanism against stereotypes that people may have, and that the people who the jokes are about perceive as qualities that they may be criticized for.

I hate to be a sort of “Debbie Downer,” the stickler who doesn’t laugh at the jokes her friends make, but I think my conclusion at the end of what was intended to be a “blurb,” is that gay jokes are not okay, and that unless we accept these people as part of our society, and welcome them as such, these jokes just serve as powerful ammunition against them.

And now, as promised . . .
LGBTQ Community Focus of Art Exhibition
(South Bend, Indiana) Tricia Bayman, a
local artist, will have a one-person exhibition
which will focus on social issues,
particularly those of concern to the
LGBTQ community.
The exhibition, titled “Parallel Truths
and Intersections,” expresses the artist’s
experience of being a lesbian in a heterosexist
culture, though a number of other
points of view are included, if sometimes
obliquely. There is a piece, for instance,
that includes a letter received by the artist
in which the writer states that he wants to
murder her because she is not a heterosexual.
The opening reception for the artist is
Sunday, October 30, from 7 to 9PM at
Studio Arts Center, 807 Lincolnway West
(across from the Colfax Cultural Center),
in South Bend. The exhibit runs through
November 30. For more information, or to
make an appointment to see the exhibit
outside of gallery hours, please call (574)
288-0160.
Tricia Bayman moved to South Bend
in late 2003 from the New York Metro
area, where she lived for many years after
having lived in Europe and several of the
United States. She has work in private
collections on both coasts.