I'm gunna be sure that I put this place on the map, if it's one promise I make it's that

Upon receiving my acceptance e-mail into the Core Council for Gay and Lesbian Students, an e-mail I’ve been anticipating and inquiring about since December, my initial response right off the bat was excitement. The internal monologue in my head went along the lines of, “Yes! This is my opportunity to change the gendered landscape of my school, and I have home field advantage because I know this school. I mean I go here . . . right?”

And so the self-doubt began to creep in.

Okay, I go here, yes. Obviously. But will I be a good enough candidate to represent both gay and lesbian students and straight students here on campus, an accurate enough representation? Will my heterosexuality affect my ability to be accepted as an equal member? I know the Core Council represents both gay and straight students in their mission statement on-line, but I start to wonder if there won’t be a great sexuality divide that I may have to bridge once I start getting more involved with the organization?

In times of self-doubt like this, I go to my family.

“Sara, I’m so proud of you. Good job!! But aren’t you afraid, that people will think . . . you know, that you’re gay, too?”

hmmm . . .

I tell her flippantly, “Pssh, mom, let them think whatever they want to think. I don’t care.”

But I wonder if, on some level, I do? I don’t care on a social level – I’m confident enough in myself to know that I’m trying to get involved in something positive and in my genuineness in trying to change things for GLBT students here in the future. But as far as conveying any lack of ulterior motive on my part to the rest of the students on Core Council, that’s another story. As I’m reflecting on this, however, I’m struck by the universality of the concern of acceptance, and especially its relevance to the GLBT community. I think a major reason behind why people keep their sexuality hidden from others, even people they already know care about them, is because of the fear of rejection.

I suppose all I can do is go into our first meeting with this in mind, and with purpose in my heart.