She doesn't deserve to be in a place like this . . . all alone

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-oxnard15feb15,0,7663055.story

"Bullying in schools has long been a problem. But recent studies show that a student who comes "out" as gay or lesbian is far more likely to suffer abuse than others, said Kevin Jennings, executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network based in New York."

Words cannot express how sad reading this story made me feel this morning. I was talking to my mom on the phone the other night about it, and she told me, “The little boy [King] should have known better than to be wearing women’s clothing to school. You can’t go out wearing whatever you want – there are social standards you have to live according to. For example, it’s not okay for a woman to walk around in a really low-cut top, is it?”

I think King should have been able to wear whatever he wanted to wear to school. I think his parents, however, were irresponsible to let him wear dresses to school, because I think there is a different socialization that goes on among children, especially middle school children, where there is lack of a social “filter” through which they decide what is and what isn’t okay to say to other people, and I think that his parents were negligent in failing to recognize that difference.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all involved.

Photo Credits: Phil McCarten / Los Angeles Times
Students pass by a makeshift memorial honoring fifteen-year-old Lawrence King which lies beneath the flagpole at E.O. Green School Thursday, Feb. 14, 2008.

I'm gunna be sure that I put this place on the map, if it's one promise I make it's that

Upon receiving my acceptance e-mail into the Core Council for Gay and Lesbian Students, an e-mail I’ve been anticipating and inquiring about since December, my initial response right off the bat was excitement. The internal monologue in my head went along the lines of, “Yes! This is my opportunity to change the gendered landscape of my school, and I have home field advantage because I know this school. I mean I go here . . . right?”

And so the self-doubt began to creep in.

Okay, I go here, yes. Obviously. But will I be a good enough candidate to represent both gay and lesbian students and straight students here on campus, an accurate enough representation? Will my heterosexuality affect my ability to be accepted as an equal member? I know the Core Council represents both gay and straight students in their mission statement on-line, but I start to wonder if there won’t be a great sexuality divide that I may have to bridge once I start getting more involved with the organization?

In times of self-doubt like this, I go to my family.

“Sara, I’m so proud of you. Good job!! But aren’t you afraid, that people will think . . . you know, that you’re gay, too?”

hmmm . . .

I tell her flippantly, “Pssh, mom, let them think whatever they want to think. I don’t care.”

But I wonder if, on some level, I do? I don’t care on a social level – I’m confident enough in myself to know that I’m trying to get involved in something positive and in my genuineness in trying to change things for GLBT students here in the future. But as far as conveying any lack of ulterior motive on my part to the rest of the students on Core Council, that’s another story. As I’m reflecting on this, however, I’m struck by the universality of the concern of acceptance, and especially its relevance to the GLBT community. I think a major reason behind why people keep their sexuality hidden from others, even people they already know care about them, is because of the fear of rejection.

I suppose all I can do is go into our first meeting with this in mind, and with purpose in my heart.

I've got birds in my ears . . .

Dear Sara,

On behalf of all of us on Core Council for Gay and Lesbian Students, we want to welcome you as a member for the 2009-2009 academic year. We hope to set up a series of meetings with all the new members before the end of this semester. If you have time to join us on Tuesday, Feb. 12th in the Green Room at LaFortune at 7 pm, we are having a planning meeting for the Stand Against Hate Week which we co-sponsor with other interested groups on campus.

We look forward to working with you.

Sr. Sue Dunn and Mel Bautista, co-chairs

I don’t blame you for being you, but you can’t blame me for hating it: my reasons for not laughing

Right now I’m working on organizing a trip to the Studio Arts Center in South Bend in my dorm after Fall Break (see announcement at the end of this post – and EVERYONE is invited – *ahem* – since someone planted the idea of going to his students’ art exhibits in this student’s head during a certain acceptance speech – but he shouldn’t worry, because I’ll let him know the official day we’re all going).

But in honor of National Coming Out Day this past Thursday, I felt inspired to write a little blurb about something I’ve been struggling with as of late.

Is it okay to laugh at jokes about gay people? I’m torn between whether gay jokes promote stereotypes, or whether they help ease any uncomfortable tension about gay issues. I ate lunch with one of my girlfriends this afternoon, and I was telling her about my new blog. She told me that gay people make her uncomfortable, and that while she’s not “against them,” she isn’t “for them,” either. At first, I wasn’t too sure about why this was such a blow to me, but after I started thinking about it for awhile, I realized why eating with her this afternoon bummed me out so much. In a way, she represented in my mind why it is so difficult to rally for GLTB rights. It’s like fighting this innate quality in all human beings to fear what is different, what we don’t initially understand. When I got back to my room, I turned on the TV and ironically enough, Will and Grace was on the channel that the TV was last on. I watched the show for awhile, and after a half hour of a barrage of gay jokes in which there were multiple references to gay men as being more sensitive and fashion conscious than both men and women combined, I was struck by the hypocrisy of what I hope was the original intent of the show, to promote gay awareness. Is this show the reason why my friends is “not for” gay rights?? Or does it provide a forum for her exposure to gay people? And if the latter is true, what a tragedy that the only exposure she gets to GLTB rights is through this skewed, overtly sexual medium.
I read this really awesome article Thursday about gay rights that made me think of her. The article said that if every gay, lesbian, transgender, or bisexual person turned purple one day, there would be much more support for gay rights in the world because everyone would realize that someone close to them is affected by unfair GLTB legislation.

Which brings me back to my original point. Do gay jokes promote stereotypes, making it okay to poke fun at an entire group of seriously underrepresented people, or do they help people like my friend, an avid fan of Will and Grace I later found out, feel more comfortable around gays? I mentioned in my last post that one of my pet peeves is when one of my friends calls something they don’t agree with, or something they feel is silly or unnecessary “gay,” and I take that same kind of offense when I hear somebody make a gay joke, in addition to a burdensome sense of guilt when I laugh. Taking this issue and looking at it from a different perspective, though, sometimes I think jokes aimed at poking fun at a group of people can become a rallying point for these groups – there is a ridiculous number of Mexican comedians, for example, who poke fun at Hispanic culture who my dad and I are really big fans of. My friend who is gay makes a lot of gay jokes, all of which he justifies by saying, “I can say that because I am gay,” or, “he/she is a disgrace to my people.” I think in these kinds of cases, these jokes become a sort of defense mechanism against stereotypes that people may have, and that the people who the jokes are about perceive as qualities that they may be criticized for.

I hate to be a sort of “Debbie Downer,” the stickler who doesn’t laugh at the jokes her friends make, but I think my conclusion at the end of what was intended to be a “blurb,” is that gay jokes are not okay, and that unless we accept these people as part of our society, and welcome them as such, these jokes just serve as powerful ammunition against them.

And now, as promised . . .
LGBTQ Community Focus of Art Exhibition
(South Bend, Indiana) Tricia Bayman, a
local artist, will have a one-person exhibition
which will focus on social issues,
particularly those of concern to the
LGBTQ community.
The exhibition, titled “Parallel Truths
and Intersections,” expresses the artist’s
experience of being a lesbian in a heterosexist
culture, though a number of other
points of view are included, if sometimes
obliquely. There is a piece, for instance,
that includes a letter received by the artist
in which the writer states that he wants to
murder her because she is not a heterosexual.
The opening reception for the artist is
Sunday, October 30, from 7 to 9PM at
Studio Arts Center, 807 Lincolnway West
(across from the Colfax Cultural Center),
in South Bend. The exhibit runs through
November 30. For more information, or to
make an appointment to see the exhibit
outside of gallery hours, please call (574)
288-0160.
Tricia Bayman moved to South Bend
in late 2003 from the New York Metro
area, where she lived for many years after
having lived in Europe and several of the
United States. She has work in private
collections on both coasts.

Get busy living or get busy dying: the inspiration behind my inspiration

“Fag.”
“Queer.”
“Homo.”
These are the words I heard gays, lesbians, and transgender individuals referred to by my father as I was growing up. Even as a child, I knew that these words hurt some part of me deep inside, but I never understood why . . .

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when my friends call something they don’t like, or something they don’t agree with “gay.” Before I get into my own story, though, maybe I should start with my dad’s. My dad is a man in every sense of the word, in both physiology and demeanor – the man exudes pure masculinity. The oldest of 4 boys, he grew up in the “slums” of East L.A. Once he graduated high school, he enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corps, and after he came back from fighting in Vietnam, thanks to the G.I. Bill, he earned his Bachelor’s Degree from Cal State Los Angeles, and played for four years on the varsity wrestling team.

I love my dad very much, and am proud to be his daughter. That being said, it took me a very long to come to terms with his EXTREME form of homophobia. The man has a serious illness – my freshman year in high school, when I decided to participate in the AIDS Walk Los Angeles and asked my dad to sponsor me (a.k.a. give me money), he got mad and asked me, “What do you want to help those fags and queers for?”

His homophobia has particularly gotten to me recently, especially since one of my very close friends, who I respect the hell out of, is gay. During the last week of summer vacation, my dad and I were on the verge of not speaking to one another because I wanted so badly to volunteer at an AIDS clinic downtown, in a predominantly gay neighborhood, and he was so very much against me having anything to do with the “queers down there”. As of late however, I’ve been meditating on the differences between masculinity and femininity, and what is perceived as being either masculine or feminine qualities/traits, which has brought me to the conclusion that my dad (and most of society if we’re speaking honestly here) has a mixed-up, very confused perception of what is “being a man” as opposed to what is “being a woman.” I feel like my dad, being as protective of his “masculinity” as he is, doesn’t want to understand why a person “chooses” to be gay, to the point where homosexuality is such a foreign concept to him that the thought of it frightens him, and that this fear of such a radically different mindset, a mindset that doesn’t value the traditional “masculine” values that he himself holds so near and dear to his heart, forces him to lash out in ways that hurt other people, both gay and straight.

In my eyes, how is it right, ever, in any context, to judge something as innate in another human being as the gender to which someone is attracted to? To label being attracted to the opposite sex as being right and being attracted to the same sex as being wrong? Is it wrong, then, to have naturally dark skin? Light eyes? How is it okay to demand someone stop being something that is so fundamental within themselves as the kind of person they are attracted to? A person cannot help who they’re attracted to! If they could, don’t you think they’d choose to be attracted to whatever society judges as being “the norm?” Do you think people ENJOY being ostracized and stereotyped against for a “life choice” they have such a lack of control over?

And this is why I have to make change. I have to be the change in the world that my dad refuses to be. I want to see gays, lesbians, and transgender individuals, those deemed as outcasts of our society, not good enough to be protected under the law like any other citizens (we’re talking gay marriage here, people), judged as inadequate sub humans that 38/50 states retain the right to deny equal opportunities for employment to, I want to see these people demand respect. I want to see these people be recognized for the brilliant scientists, the passionate, eloquent thinkers, and the creative souls that they are, instead of being discriminated against based on one minute facet of their person. I want these people to be treated like people. I want equality.